14 October 2009

we should have our own cooking show.

by the husband AND the wife (pictures at the end. but seriously, you should read the whole thing. we're funny.)

dallin: many people think that because i enjoy cooking that i'm a pansy
becki: this is true. he's a pansy...
dallin: i'm here to tell you that this is a farse. cooking is not for pansies. and neither is watching cooking with ming or rachel ray. just thought i'd get that out there. so to all my brotha's, COOK ON. WITH PRIDE.
becki: okay, he's not a pansy (he paid me to say this publicly)
dallin: no i didn't. i'm serious.

dallin: cooking is not for the faint of heart. it takes patience. mathematics. chemistry. uh... courage. testosterone...
becki: uh...
dallin: ... and lots of love to cook something extraordinary! "what i say is true: ANYONE CAN COOK, but only the fearless can be great!"
becki: 5 bucks to who can name that movie
dallin: i know! i know!
becki: shush girl. shut your lips. do the helen keller and talk with your hips.
dallin: helen keller was a communist. i just think everyone should know that.
becki: that is unverifiable...
dallin: whatever! wikipedia that!

becki: but we digress...

dallin: i can't credit all of my cooking skill to watching the food network or reading cookbooks
becki: thanks to all for donating cookbooks to our cause. feed the barker's fund. always accepting donations. of food. or cookbooks.
dallin: i would have to credit my grandparents for teaching me proper measurements and how to throw noodles at the ceiling to make sure they are al dente.
becki: that's french right?
dallin: it's italian.
becki: i knew that. i was testing you...
dallin: i knew that.

dallin: [large sigh]... [chuckle]... also, i would have to say that becki is such an inspiration to my cooking abilities. but seriously, even though she typed that last part without my permission, it's true.
becki: you're taking the words right out of my mouth.
dallin: experimenting and trying things that might not work... the challenge of making new things makes it interesting, it always comes out delicious.
becki: it's true. i haven't had a bad meal yet, except for maybe the ones i cook myself...
dallin: [chuckle] um...
becki: you'll notice he didn't deny that...
dallin: [chuckle]

dallin: back to the subject at hand. we should have our own cooking show. many people ask why i didn't go to culinary arts school, but the reason is that the opportunity cost was too great. and all of our sponsors got dropped.
becki: just for the record, i CAN cook. even though dallin doesn't say so. i've made many culinary masterpieces.
dallin: okay, that is true.

becki: okay, now that we sound super full of ourselves, let me just say that we LOVE cooking together. it's one of our favorite activities.
dallin: yeah... [dreamy sigh]
becki: and we like to take pictures of our creations. and maybe a video or two... that we might share
dallin: SHOWTIME [jazz hands accompanied by a sing song voice]
becki: [used car salesman smile]
dallin: so to all you peeps, may you cook with confidence and enjoy it. one love. [next comment censored by wife]
becki: seriously dallin?
dallin: i'm not swearing people. honest. sometimes the things i have to say are just too awesome. normal people can't handle it...
becki: but we digress... again... so here are pictures. after all the talk of exotic and exciting dishes, here are pictures of a bunch of normal food that we cooked.

to start, we have the appetizer and a drink: freshly carved melon & a mango lime fool

for the next course, we have your choice of either gnocchi or a thai noodle creation

next for the main course: rack of lamb or smoked salmon

and finally dessert: maybe you can find room for both the chocolate souffle or the baked alaska

(sorry the lighting on that baked alaska is so bad, it was hard to get the flame to really show up in the light...)


  1. Bahh! That was great. LOVED IT. Did you really make all that stuff. I seriously doubt it, since I know Becki and all...

    Dallin must be a really amazing chef!

  2. Oh Becki! I do miss you :) Sounds like you and the hubs are having a little to much fun in the kitchen ;)

  3. in all of your culinery masterpieces might i remind you (kindly and fondly) of a certain curry dinner:) i don't know if i spelled that right. oh well. jk. i loved this post. it was highly amusing:)
    -sarah (aka your favorite sister)

  4. Ratatouille.... where's my 5 bucks?

    Oh, and P.S. well said, all of it, well said.

  5. You're the next Neeley's, it's settled. You both can cook for me anytime!

  6. HAHAHAAAA! freakin' hiLARious post. you guys kill me. fave post of the year. love it.

  7. That is awsome and hilarious. But seriously can you guys really cook that? Because if so we need to have a cousin dinner asap, or just invite me over would probably be better. Just saying.

  8. Ha ha!!! I'm so glad I know you guys and I found this hilarious blog. Keep it up.