02 June 2010

backyard gossip

so the weather is warming up now, which means that due to our lack of air conditioning, the windows stay open at night to keep us cool. the OLD lady that lives behind us is often out in her yard having LOUD conversations that we (as a result of the open windows) are privy to.

as we lay in bed last night, trying to go to sleep, we heard bits and pieces of what must have been a EPIC conversation. we didn't catch every word, but we caught a lot. it was really hard not to listen, and i'm sure they would have been embarrassed if they had know other people could hear them. but they were SO loud! after trying unsuccessfully to get them to be quiet, like making weird noises, so that they would know there were other people around, the two old lady's conversation turned to relationships. (weird... because they are so old...)

lady #1 was clearly the Alpha of the conversation (it must be her backyard or something, so she's automatically the leader?), and she wasn't very nice. she kept raising her voice and yelling at lady #2 (who we learned later was named Martie) and lady #3. most of what we heard was Lady #1 talking.

here are some of the most memorable pieces of the conversation that we heard:

"i am more psychic than you will EVER know. and you don't recognize that, and i feel sorry for you!"

"what do you think about that? now, stop talking and listen to me. Listen To Me. LISTEN TO ME!"

"oh! i never thought about it like that! you don't want to be in a physical relationship because Satan is jealous of YOU!" (dallin and i were hysterical at this point. we laughed so hard we didn't hear the next 5 minutes of the conversation.)

"i saw you. you went to some quack doctors and you were on prescription drugs. don't you know it, but man's medicine will KILL you! IT. WILL. KILL. YOU."

"LISTEN to me, okay? i know!"

"YOU are a cold-hearted frog!"

"open up to the rainbow."

"love is like God in a pebble."

"Listen to me!"

"Listen to me!"

we also learned that Martie's husband had left her sometime in the past for another woman. that conversation went something like this:

lady #1: how long since john (ex-husband) been with jennifer?
martie: i don't know.
lady #1: you do too!
martie: i don't.
lady #1: YOU DO TOO! two? maybe three years?
martie: yeah, i guess about that much.
lady #1: fine. i'll tell you. it's been 2 1/2 years. 2 1/2 years. it's time to find someone new."

"in this world, the dark angels and the light angels are fighting to possess your body!"

"i can just picture this now. you are going to find a dark, curly haired man. 6 foot 2. and you're on the beach, at sunset. and you have your arms around his neck. and you say to him- i LOVE you."
(at this point, dallin and i TOTALLY lost it, because these ladies have to be like 70 or 80 years old, so for someone they are dating to have not only hair, but DARK hair, he'd have to be like 30 or 40 years younger than them!)

dallin and i finally had to shut the window, because they were IMPOSSIBLE to not listen to, and we were laughing too hard and it was getting close to midnight. WAY past my bedtime. after we shut the window, we could still hear them, but not as much. we still giggled though as we fell asleep.

p.s. dallin wants everyone to know that we are NOT creepy. it may seem like it (because we listen to other people's private conversations late at night), but we really aren't. he says that those ladies basically forced their conversation onto us and we had no choice but to listen or melt from the heat. obviously we chose our lives... we also hope that you don't think we are terrible people for laughing at their conversation, but it was pretty hard not to after some of the things they said and the tone of their voices.


  1. If they were loud enough for you to hear, you are not creepy. I have heard my fair share of strange conversations, sometimes it's just too hard to tune it out!

  2. Who wouldn't listen!?! that is so funny!

  3. Ok, no joke, I just laughed so hard at this blog that tears were streaming out of my eyes. I need to print this post and read it when I'm having a bad day. SO HILARIOUS!!!!

  4. TOO funny!! I feel like I was there! That woman is hysterical. Wow. I like the note at the end--Dallin looking over your shoulder. Tell them that we're not creepy. Oh, and tell them this and that. :D